A mother is worried about her teenage son, who often causes problems outside the home, such as breaking school rules, traffic regulations, and other common rules. The boy also frequently bullies her friends, prompting one of her friends’ parents to report the behavior.
What’s wrong with the mother? According to AN Ubaedy, writer, facilitator, motivation teacher and human resource development professional, all adolescent behavior can be traced back to their family, specifically, the parenting style applied by their parents.
Do parents educate children between kindergarten and third grade about the rules of life outside the home? For example, at school or in public places?
We need to reexamine the parenting styles we have been using. According to Ubaedy, in several common cases, the parenting style that often creates problems in adolescent behavior is either extremely strict or extremely lenient.
In psychology, extreme strictness is often called authoritarian parenting. In this parenting style, parents try to mold their children into the ideal they want with strict control.
According to Ubaedy, when faced with authoritarian parenting, the child will react by seeking freedom abroad.
On the other hand, extremely lenient parenting is often called permissive. In permissive parenting, parents act the other way around, allowing the child to develop on his own, allowing almost anything, without wanting to prohibit the child from avoiding conflicts and tensions. The parent’s position here is “yes” to whatever the child asks.
Now, according to Ubaedy, a child raised predominantly in a permissive parenting style at home will perceive everything outside her home as her own home. This parenting style creates the perception that life is about freedom.
Ubaedy suggests that there is a middle ground between these extreme parenting styles. This middle ground is called authoritarian parenting. In this parenting style, parents still provide clear and strong guidelines, rules and instructions, but they also give space for children to be creative, develop independence and a sense of responsibility.
This can start from the smallest things, for example, organizing the toys that the child has scattered around. In this case, parents must be firm and must rearrange the scattered toys. However, as to how to do it and the techniques involved, parents should allow for creativity.
If a child is used to understanding freedom and limits at home, she will quickly find references or evaluate situations when he is away. However, Ubaedy recognizes that implementing authoritarian parenting is not as simple as permissive or authoritarian parenting. Parents who adopt authoritarian parenting must think creatively, be patient, and loving.
